I would very much like to start with my first – actual – entry focusing on embarrassment. You will often hear that you should not feel embarrassed when working on self-improvement or wellness. I’m going to take a comfortable position on the fence and disagree and agree.
First, I agree with the premise of what the – intention – of “not being embarrassed” conveys. However, I can’t entirely agree with how the message is understood. I hope that you’ve read my first blog, Wellness: One Size Does Not Fit All, and to add to that, you’ll come to quickly understand that I value nothing in this world more than words and their proper use and function. Sometimes to an embarrassing degree (you’ll get this joke by the end of the post).
To understand why I have a problem with the message of “do not be embarrassed,” you have to know the archaic definition of the word. But even before that, we should make sure that everyone first knows what an archaic definition is.
An archaic definition refers to an outdated or antiquated understanding of the word. Words have power, and though we may decide to change the accepted usage of a word, that power remains. It’s different from slang, which is an acceptable alternative usage for a word with intent; it only changes its definition by proxy of usage. Everyone still understands what the word truly means. If you say, “that show is really cool,” we know you’re not referring to its temperature.
To change the definition of a word without irony on a societal level is a phenomenon I would need an entirely separate space to discuss with you. So, for now, we’ll live with the fact that it happens and move on.
Why is this important? I’m glad you asked. The archaic definitions for the word embarrassed are to complicate, or impede; obstruct, or hamper. The idea of the word embarrassment conveying any form of insecurity, self-consciousness, or shame is relatively new as the language goes.
Side note, the expression “embarrassment of riches” does not imply a positive. It literally means that you have so much of something it is a hindrance to you.
So, why do I think embarrassment is a positive tool? If you are embarrassed, you are acknowledging that you are complicating the matter or self-imposing an impediment. There is no shame in that. How are we intended to remove self-imposed obstacles if we do not first admit that they exist? And secondly, acknowledge that we put them there, so only we can remove them.
That may seem like a minor syntactical difference. But words have power.
Shame keeps us from growing. Shame only serves as a vehicle for negative emotions without corrective action. When you’re ashamed of a specific action and have done wrong to another, you apologize, but that alone does not remedy the error. And when you shame yourself, you do not even have the luxury of apologizing to a third party for some semblance of guilt relief.
Embarrassment separated from shame allows you to focus on the obstacle without negativity, and in that light, you will see how to remove it from the path.
The most significant example in my life I can give you is soda. For years I would drink five or six bottles of Coca-Cola or Fresca a day – minimum. People tried to shame me about my habit, myself included. But feeling bad about it never gave me the drive to correct the course. Feeling bad about it made me want more soda. But understanding how that act was – really – hindering my growth process is what made the difference.
What I mean is simply this. Without feeling bad about what I was doing to myself, I saw the impossibility of what I wanted to achieve if I kept at that bad habit. It was not that I felt so bad about myself I decided to change; I realized the obstacle I was placing in my path. I wanted the progress more than I wanted the soda, the decision to stop drinking soda came from a positive, not a negative.
Words have power; you can feel encouraged to use that power to your advantage. I will give my first piece of advice here and now. Each week I want you to learn a new word and really pay attention to the definition of a word you use frequently. Harness the power of your speech and thoughts because your thoughts become your reality.
