I am revisiting forgiveness because it’s on mind so often these days. I am in want of some deep self-forgiveness. Writing about it helps immensely.
Forgiveness always involves forgiving oneself.
Forgiving oneself is often harder than forgiving someone else.
“Just because it’s hard doesn’t make it bad.” A wise friend once said that to me at a very challenging time in my life. I hear her voice saying those words to me as if she were beside me right now.
Is forgiveness always right? Only you can answer that question for you. But I would say that self-forgiveness is absolutely always right if you want to heal from a painful story.
Self-forgiveness is healing. Self-forgiveness begins when we accept that something bad happened, that we have created a painful story around it, and that it is time to rewrite it as a healing story.
What story do you want to rewrite? It may take some time (even a lifetime) but the process itself heals. I invite you to start with a small forgiveness story, the bigger more traumatic ones take time and support? This is a good practice to do with a friend or support group.
Take out your journal or a piece of paper. Again, for now, focus on a not-too-emotionally-charged situation. Ready!
1) Write, draw, paint, collage the painful story. Accept that it has happened.
2) Maybe take some time with this story. How has it served you? Why is it time to let it go?
3) Take 3 deep healing breaths (or as many as you feel helpful).
4) Write, draw, paint, collage a healing story. Become the hero in this story instead of the victim.
5) Acknowledge that you forgive.
A reminder of what forgiveness is:
Forgiveness is about rewriting a painful story or memory with you as the hero (which you are).
Forgiveness is about a peace you learn to feel.
Forgiveness is about you, and usually you alone.
Forgiveness is about letting go and allowing the past to be just that – past,
Forgiveness is about being in the present moment.
Forgiveness is only possible with understanding. Thich Nhat Hahn
(Understanding that you, and if another is involved in the story, are in pain. Forgiveness heals the pain.)
(Image of sunflower in honor of the Sunflower Projects supporting the healing power of forgiveness. May we all be filled with loving kindness towards ourselves and others.)
Jan facilitates national workshops for therapists and life coaches. She presents at conferences on topics related to holistic psychology and living your dreams.