Several years ago I taught a course on the Psychology of Forgiveness. The course was designed around a two week study abroad trip to Viet Nam; specifically how a young girl (Kim Phuc) who had been terribly burned by napalm went on to forgive the American soldier (John Plummer) who dropped the napalm bomb on her, and on her successful life journey in spite of such a horrific experience. This began a personal journey into the universe of forgiveness.
Forgiveness has changed my life — no one is more surprised by this than I. This morning I found myself frustrated and demoralized by a supervisor at work. My initial response was to lash out and defend myself. But I took a deep breath, smiled, and decided to be compassionate instead of angry. What a difference it has made to the rest of my day, to the way my body feels, and to my feeling of empowerment over the situation. This was a relatively easy situation in which to forgive (well, I say that now but maybe 20 years ago I would have enjoyed holding onto the anger).
Forgiveness opens the doors of compassion, peace and joy. Forgiveness moves you closes to your life dreams and goals. Practicing mindfulness (or other contemplative practices designed to bring you into the present moment) is the key to opening the door to forgiveness. If you are always in the past, reliving stories that cause you pain, or in the future, with worries or fear, then you are missing this moment. And, this moment is truly all that is real.
To strengthen your ‘forgiveness muscle’ and therefore heighten the peace and joy that forgiveness brings:
- Take time every day to simply breathe, to bring yourself into the present moment.
- Be clear about your intentions. Forgiveness is always just for you, if it doesn’t feel right, let it go for now.
- Get support.
- Utilize the steps in Five Clues which guides you through the process of creating the internal and external life you wish for. Go to: possibilitydetectives.com/five-clues-guide/.
Be gentle with yourself, be compassionate with yourself, be kind to yourself…only then will you extend the same to others.
Jan facilitates national workshops for therapists and life coaches. She presents at conferences on topics related to holistic psychology and living your dreams.
