Long term denial interferes with your happiness. It doesn’t matter what the denial (denying bad relationships, denying an unhappy job situation, denying money problems, denying addictions – yours or someone else’s, denying denial), long-term denial isn’t good.
Habitual denial becomes an unconscious act of self-sabotage.
Your body was not meant to be in long-term denial; long term denial is stressful. Continued stress, longer than 15 minutes, and your body starts releasing cortisol, a neurotoxin (you never want something that combines the terms neuro/nerves and toxin). What does cortisol do over time? It leads to physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual decline. It leads to broken relationships, broken bank accounts, broken bodies, broken spirits.
Being in Present Moment Awareness, experiencing Mindfulness, (through meditation, journaling, being in nature, making art/music, anything that truly brings you into this moment), reduces stress, increases joy. What is stressful for you may not be stressful for someone else. Stress is an inside job, your perspective, your Internal Map of Reality (IMR). When you deny it, you suffer. Suffering is a natural human condition, but constant suffering is not.
Here are the steps to re-framing your Internal Map of Reality (IMR), breaking free of denial, and reducing stress:
1. Acknowledge the denial (in as much detail as possible). What is it? How does it show up in your life? What purpose did/does it serve? Is any colluding with you about the denial? Does it keep you stuck (in an addiction, in a bad job, in an unhappy relationship, from doing what you love)? Say as much as you can about it – maybe write about out.
2. Begin with the end in mind. What is your intention? To end the addiction, to find a job you love, to only be with people who make you feel wonderful, to find meaning and joy every day?
3. Keep your attention on #2. Put up pictures that keep you focused on your intention. Write post it notes to yourself that you are already healthy, working joyfully, in relationships that make you feel excellent, etc. Read books that remind you of your intention. Join groups where you can talk about your goals.
4. Appreciate. Appreciate something about the life aspect you are no longer in denial about. Appreciate something about your health. Appreciate yourself for taking steps to find more meaningful work, joyful relationships, new friends. Appreciate your courage in facing what you have long been in denial over. When you wake up appreciate this journey, before going to bed appreciate 5 things in your life.
5. Get Support. It is rare that we reverse denial on our own. You may want to have folks who are willing to call you out if you begin to slip into your denial. You may want to have folks around who will remind you of the courage and wisdom that it takes to face your fears.
Take a moment and write down what came to mind when the topic of denial came up. Go through the steps to shift your Internal Map of Reality (IMR) about this denial. Be gentle and kind to yourself, this can be challenging yet very rewarding work.
For a more specific guide for this process, go to: https://possibilitydetectives.com//five-clues-guide/
Jan facilitates national workshops for therapists and life coaches. She presents at conferences on topics related to holistic psychology and living your dreams.
